I am fortunate enough to have a wonderful lady whom I have spent a lot of time with over the past 19 years. Ms. Edith Wilson, who is 82 years old, is indeed a spiritual guide for me and I have learned quite a lot from her. One important lesson that I’ve learned is that most things that have happened to me in my life, I have allowed. She will say to me, “Ok, little boy, it’s time for you to clean up your side of the street!” The very fact that she calls me little boy always sets me on edge and the reality that I am responsible for my choices is always a tough pill to swallow. But she is always on point!

When I begin to look at my choices and my part in the fall-out of those choices I begin to see things differently Most of these moments of tension have very little to do with me…by this I mean if a person does something that hurts me, it usually has very little to do with me. They are simply choosing to act according to their own thoughts, feelings, desires, choices, and understanding. It is my expectations of a situation that causes me unrest. Once I began to understand that my thoughts are not the complete picture but just my thoughts, I begin to feel a shift in my awareness. I begin to see things from a space that has more love and understanding for myself and for others. It really does make a difference because my choices will now be rooted in a place of calm and I will be able to speak my truth from a place that is balanced as opposed to reacting solely from emotion.

When I am ready to look at how I participated in the situation and have decided to face my fear—because  if it ain’t love, it’s fear—then I can begin the process of creating a new reality that involves loving and living in a space where I am at peace. I can begin to accept myself for what I am feeling and have some understanding of the situation at hand.

I think the most challenging part is realizing our moments of crazy are usually rooted in past experiences that we replay over and over, kind of like an old wound that never heals. Daily I learn to control my reactions to those old patterns and discover new ways to grow, love, and live. I am still a work in progress and probably will be for the rest of my life, and I am cool with that. I am not living to be perfect. I am interested in creating a better me.

Most people, situations, and things that we have chosen to be a part of our lives bring us some semblance of joy. I have learned over the years that it is best for me to work toward living for more of that joy each day. When I do this I find it easier to forgive or move on. Either way I am walking toward a healthier, happier me. After all, if I am not loving myself, it ain’t ever gonna be right.

For me, forgiveness is creative flow. Sometimes I have to just lay in the groove and just flow easily and gently. Other times it is deep, dark, and constantly searching for release. I see forgiveness as a bringing forth of things that keep us uncomfortable, restless, and uneasy…it is a time to search within ourselves and discover a new way of understanding in order to bring about a new sense of clarity and peace. This turn allows us to act out of love, compassion, and benevolence for the sole purpose of living a joyous and peaceful life…not easy, but oh so sweet!

I think the song “I Forgive You” by Rachelle Ferrell is not only beautifully sung but the music and lyrics are just wonderful! Watch the video here.

So here we are…preparing for a performance on the Today Show! This is a great thing for Gemma. So many people will be able to hear the music and to watch her perform with her band. I will be singing backgrounds with my posse Biti Strauchn and Arif St. Michael, so you know I am too excited! It is one thing to have a tight sound when you are singing with great singers, but there is something else that happens when the love between the singers is so powerful. That’s how it is with Biti, Arif, and me. I mean, the sound is incredible but the joy that comes over us is on a whole ‘nother level. I am so damn happy to be singing with them! To be honest with you, that loving feeling is in Gemma’s entire band. I have worked with many of the musicians in my own band, Mood Control, as well as with Jazzhole.

I am also very proud of Gemma. She has been working very hard to get to this point. As an artist it takes time to find a space where you and your music connect with people, and when you find that place things do start to happen. Performing on the Today Show is a dream come true for Gemma. Come to think of it, this opportunity is a dream come true for anybody! I am very happy to have been the one she chose to produce Si Me Quieres/If You Love Me. I have been fortunate in my career to work with a lot of artists, and to create in a lot of different areas, but to be a part of something that started about a year-and-a-half ago in a small apartment in New York City and to watch it grow is without a doubt a dream come true. I am just gonna keep doin’ what I do and get ready…’cuz I know there is more to come!

I love waking up in the morning and taking a walk. It allows me time to gather my thoughts about the day and to sort through all of the insane scenarios waiting to greet me after my wake-up yawn. Over the past three or four days I have been thinking about why it is so important to understand the need to be open to change, what it truly means to have the courage to change, and why it is quite difficult. I thought, why not start my blog sharing this topic, especially since it is the beginning of the year and many of us look to the New Year with wonderful resolutions, which more often than not imply we must change. Plus I would love to hear your comments. I am sure many of you have some good ideas on the subject!

Personally, I have never truly enjoyed change. Change has always made me feel as though I am giving up something or I have to adjust to situations that I do not understand or cannot control and this does not make me feel good. I have never cared for the bogyman under the stairs. I am more of an open-the-door-and-blast-the-mutha type of brutha. Change also makes me feel as though there is going to be extra work involved and I have more than enough on my plate, so my first response is to find fun, interesting things to do in order to avoid the work that change brings about. None of this pans out because after my childlike playtime is over I have to deal–more than change, I hate being irresponsible. But I do enjoy the playtime!

Today during my walk a thought occurred to me: Maybe it is not the change that is causing the problem; maybe it is how I am looking at the situation. I started thinking about the word, change. When you break the word down it really is harmless. It just means moving from one part of the journey to the next. I mean, things change in my life everyday.

Why are some things cool when they change and others just cause me to dig in and fight? I paused and did something differently…yeah, yeah, a change. Before, I would have decided to extend my walk and daydreamed about childlike playtime. Today, I think more about what is happening inside of me and less about the situation. I have come to realize that it is always fear. No matter how many excuses I can find not to mention people, situations, or things to blame, it is my fear and I must decide whether to embrace it or to react to it.  I now choose to remain calm instead of screaming—I may have a vocal session that requires high notes!

Then I thought about past situations when I have been afraid. Things seems to go a lot smoother when I just get on with the business at hand and focus less on the complaining and the excuses. I am slowly beginning to realize that it doesn’t matter what the outcome is going to be. I can only do what I can do. If it is not to my liking I can always change.J

In the end, having the courage to change is knowing and trusting that I am taken care of in every moment. I also realize that ease and grace are on my side and all I have to do is flow in that.

The only thing that is constant is change, and we don’t have to waste time fighting it. We can float easily knowing life is always working for our good…it really is, y’all. If we are wasting time fighting fear, then we are missing out on the good stuff.

So, with a little childlike wonder I took a deep breath and finished my walk, waiting on my change!

Reminiscence

It is during this time of holiday cheer
That we tend to look back upon the last year
Trying to recall all the plans that we made
But they seem to rush by like Harlem’s A Train

While moving, I’m grooving in and out of busy stores
And through all the chitter chatter I try to avoid
The hustle and bustle
A shopper’s delight!
Instead
I pull out my pen and these words I do write…

Amidst the bitter cold of winter’s sky
Jazzhole flows
Drops it one more time
Circle of the Sun
this one
bringing light and sounds from distant lands
and now indeed
I understand
the need to create
in a vybe that’s free
kind of like when I heard Julie’s
Dexterity
for the first time…
Just before the cloud Nine brutha
took center stage
turned back the page
and asked us to remember a time
When we were Black and conscious.
Down for the struggle, leading me to my
Peace beyond passion
Folks keep a askin’
bout the state of the soul… slowly dying
keeps on cryin’
Why don’t ya play
N’dambi’s
Tunin’ Up and Cosignin’
Then come and ask me why
I’m so tired
of the networks
and corporate gangstas
trying to buy my brain
with heavy rotation
no explanation
for this modern plantation…
Look a here, look a there!
For this is a premonition
and the season’s bout to change
Cuz fertile ground produces sound
That gets
Horns ta swingin’
Folks a singin’
About the heart again
How beautiful you are my friend…
All ya gotta do is say yes
To this bare naked truth
I’ve heard brutha Dwele croon
It’s as ancient as the
River Niger
Standing tall she declares
To be a Soulsinger
Whose mind is free
to wail, moan, scat
Even long tone
if she wants to…
For it is in the surrender
that we knowledge control
and it is in the soul
that we embrace
passion
happiness
sorrow
joy
and pain
Never again to be the same
But that much closer
to those who give their
soulful offering

This is a video of a performance I did at the Sugar Bar when my first solo recording Enter My Mind was released. The singers are Keith Fluitt, Kemba Francis, and Arif St. Michael. the band members are Carl Carter bass, John Adams keys, Chris Herbert saxophone and flute, Danny Sadownick percussion, and I think that is Steve Williams on the drums.
Enjoy!
Marlon